back to Life Sucks mode.

Good morning diary.

Last night I was going to the last Bowling for Soup concert before they go on tour with their new label in other parts of the world, and I missed it.

At least God was watching over me. That’s all I can say, because it’s very possible that I coulda died last night.

My brakes went out. Completely. The only reason I’m here at work today is because my roomate grudgingly took me in this morning. Jeez. With all the times I’ve carted him back to see our parents in my car, putting wear and tear on it because he’s a pussy about driving, you’d think he wouldn’t have a problem taking me to work in the morning, but me and my girlfriend had to shame him into it.

I love my girlfriend, she’s so cool. She’s a babe. She’s started at her new job now, and she says it’s going to be a breeze. I’m glad she’s got her job now, she is so much more comfortable and not stressed out. I knew it would work out ok, and I knew I would take care of her for as long as it takes for her to get a job, but she feels much better about herself now. The bonus is it’s a permanent job, not these temp jobs like she had been getting.

Why do people desire intimacy? Logically it makes no sense. The other day I was Mr. Spocking about this and trying to figure it out. I don’t know how it works for women, and I really can’t speak out for the male populace, either, but I know in my head and many people’s heads, their sexual fantasies will never stack up to reality. So the desire for intimacy cannot be solely fuled by sexual desire.

Someone to talk to? I can talk to anyone, and I can talk to people online. I can talk to myself. I’m talking to you, and I can tell you more than I can tell my girlfriend because I don’t want to say embarrasing things and ruin a relationship, where as you, diary, are a book, not caring about a relationship, you are just someone to put things and thoughts down on.

Financially it’s straining, it takes work, it’s not easy, yet I and everyone I know strives to be in a relationship with the opposite gender (except my gay friends, and they persue their relationships, too).

I was happy to be single, just not content.

I’m not at all complaining about being not single. Not at all, don’t get me wrong, I love her, and I love the relationship. I just wonder why I need that to be content.

My dad would say that’s the way God designed us. It’s dim reflection of the kind of love we experience through Christ. Crackbaby would say it’s evolution. Ingrained within us is millions of years of conditioning saying propogation of the species is what’s important, and therefore desire to mate is what causes it.

I don’t know about that. Of course I know which one I lean towards since I totally discount the theory of evolution. (a topic for another time — just suffice it to say I’ve seen enough evidence to tell me vertical evolution is one of science’s bigest crackpot theories ever).

Well I guess thats enough philosophizing for now. I’m going to take some calls and wallow.