Dear Diary….

Well, I’m feeling a little less distressed… I got news that she has been heard from since I talked to her, but it’s still disturbing me that she hasn’t called me. I mean she is the love of my life, why is she not calling.

She said hi to her apartment manager at 1:00 on Saturday, and she was leaving the complex in her car. Don’t know where to, that trip is a mystery.

She talked to her roomate on Sunday at 3:00, called from the doctor’s office, said she had been staying at home. Which is odd, because I called hourly and it just rang thru. But perhaps she was resting and had the ringer turned off.

I feel like such a stalker, but for goodness sake, it’s my girlfriend, I’m entitled to know where she at least is, I’m concerned for her safety and well being. I love her.

—-

20 Minutes Later

—-

I’m a little winded, I just got done smoking three cigarettes pacing the courtyard trying to blow off some steam. I’m going to have to leave work early, because I cannot function like this. I’m going to snap on someone.

Things are worse than previously imagined, if that’s possible. She finally called me, she is really pissed off.

She does have walking pneumonia, she’s been hiding out at a friend’s house in Denton. She said she needed time away from everyone. She was mad at me for going back to sleep when she came over that day, she was mad at me for looking for her, she was mad at me for calling her mom and brother, she was mad at me for a lot of things, apparently. Apparently I’m a bad boyfriend. It makes me sad.

I tried to smooth things over with her. And I told her I loved her, and she didn’t respond. She just said “I don’t feel like being nice right now.” She hasn’t said I love you to me on her own in a while.

She said she’s coming over to the apartment tonight. I think she’s going to break up with me. God please no. I hope not. I love her more than anything else in this world, and I don’t want her to go away. I would do anything for her, I would die for her, and she maybe wanting to break up with me, this isn’t fair. Please pray for me, I hope that she isn’t wanting to break up with me.

Oh and I had such a wonderful evening planned for her tonight, being valentines day and all that crap. Why o why.

I’m just wallowing now. And I don’t even know if she’s breaking up with me.

I’m going to buy flowers on the way home and hope for the best.

dying inide – rizzn