Dear Diary…

Me again. You know me. Rizzn. Y’know? sheesh, why you bein like that. Is it about me handwriting an entry last night? You know you is the only diary for me.

heheh

silliness.

Anyways, I talked to my dad a few minutes ago. Thank goodness his office has a toll free number.

Anyways, as I may have mentioned before, my dad’s a shrink, so I talked to him about my problems, and my girlfriends problems, and it was very encouraging. He didn’t say a whole lot more than I didn’t know, but sometimes it’s not what you say, but how you say it. He has a gift like that.

munch munch on 99cent Jack in the Box.

ever notice how 99cent cusine tastes better than any other kind of food? maybe that’s just me, but the best food in the world is a meal of 99cent whoppers. When some of the locations started charging more for them, it just killed it for me.

Oh, whoops, I forgot to pick some stuff up while I was out to lunch, I’m going to have to take an extended cig break I guess at 4.

Once again, my girl is unreachable by fone. But I’m letting it slide. I’m not gonna be bothered by it. She wants her space, and if she loses her job and another job opportunity because of it, maybe that’s the price she’ll have to pay. I’m tired of doing everything for everybody.

I’m sorry, dear voyeurs of my diary, that you have to hear about my sorry state of love-life affairs for these past few days, I’m sure it’s getting boring. Rizzn, move on, you say. We want your witty banter and colorful commentary. Well, I’m handling this better than I expected, so you may expect to see more of it sooner rather than later.

I made a decision that I’ll have to break it off (the relationship), if things don’t seriously seriously change in 2 weeks time. Crackbaby and I taLked about it last night. I know taking advice about women from my peers is a bad idea, (I mean look where it got me in high school), but he told me something that made sense.

Y’see I live by a code, that I don’t tell anyone about just because I hope the way I live my life makes it evident. In my life I put God first, others second, and myself last. I’m sure this has been helpful and beneficial in ways that I cannot see to others around me, but it sure has gotten me into trouble.

Without creating a huge book to describe my last chapter of my life, the short run down was this method, carried to extreme, left me penniless, homeless, and broken spirited about a year ago. Ever since then, my boy crackbaby and I made a pact that if we ever see each other sliding in a bad direction or giving too much, or anything bad like that, we will call each other on it.

Crackbaby said that just in the last couple months, maybe three months he started to see me come back out of my shell, which is about right. This is about the time I started to live again, and give my heart piece by piece away to people I thought I could trust, including my girlfriend.

He told me he would kick my ass to hell and back if I let that same situation happen again, where I go into that much of a shell over a girl.

He told me that living your life for others is good, but in this situation with my girl, I need to think about what’s best for Rizzn here. If staying with her is going to cause me undue pain and torment, or she starts to take advantage of me, I need to end it this time, and not wait for the devestation.

So keep your ears to the ground, Diary. I’ll keep you updated on what I decide to do with my girl. And what she decides to do with me.

And yes, I’m feeling in enough good spirits to include a quote for the entry. Sorry I was depriving you of that I know you enjoy it.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: “So, in case you’re wondering, my cough is now productive. I am a veritable snot geyser. “

– lisamcc