Dear Diary,

Like a ton of bricks it hits,

Before she finishes her sentence

As the predicate predicate predicts

A quick ending to her presence.

I could see it coming from a mile away.

At 600 miles an hour.

A surprise attack.

Tora! Tora! Kamakize

No looking back,

A tactic of considerable power.

(Chorus)

It doesn’t matter now,

What I should’ve done then

My heart was in the right place

At the wrong time again.

Widowmaker, the Impossibles

I usually only post that song after a breakup, but y’know how things have been going lately. Just feeling down, and I bought an Impossibles cd last night, so I felt like posting ok? heheh

It’s an incredible song that pegs the feeling for me everytime.

Anyways. Girl’s online now. I think she might get the job. I think my mild depression is becoming more obvious, because 3 or 4 times Traci asked what was wrong with me last night. I couldn’t talk to her about it at the time. She asked me again this morning, too. I didn’t want to get into it right then and ruin her day. She’s got interviews today and stuff.

I just feel sad when I kiss her, because she doesn’t kiss back. She told me a week ago that she felt like my passion was gone and I regarded her like a friend not a significant other. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I think she was just projecting her feelings onto me.

I wish she could give me a sign that I don’t need to be insecure. Insecurity sux.

Really, I’m insecure. I had this dumb dream last night that proves I’m insecure right now. I had this dream that I was back in middle school. I don’t think I’ve told the stories of middle school to anyone here.

I am now 6’4″, 165lbs, but in middle school, I was 5’3″, 73lbs. I got beat up every day for the weakling that I was.

Well, last night, I dreamt that I was back in middle school again. I was playing basketball on the school court, and everyone was getting pissed off at me that I was missing the shots. I was on my way to walk over to the side to take off my dorky yellow and blue coat, and put it in the little locker box. Everyone dropped their basketballs and started following me over there, and for some reason I had a bunch of pencils in my pocket.

They grabbed the pencils out of my pocket, and broke them. They were jeering at me, and calling me names and stuff, and then the passed out the broken pencils and started stabbing me with them.

This actually happenned to me when I was in an 8th grade math class once. This dude walked up to me and grabbed my pencil and stabbed me in the leg with it. I never told anyone about it. David Frances was his name. He was in my dream last night, and so was this Michael Smith character, he’s the one in 7th grade who chipped my tooth by tackling me in a touch football game. He was about 5’8″, and 200lbs.

Well, anyway, this dream was right when I was waking up, so I took control of it and turned into Superman and kicked all their asses. But it disturbs me that I’m that insecure and have dreams about middle school.

I’m about to have lunch with the Girl in a few. Hope that things go well for me. 😉

I guess I’m out, diary. Expect an update later today.

BTW, my old house story is not over, I’m just working on a better entry so I don’t have to sacrifice the number of updates I do just because it takes all day for me to remember what went on 2 years ago.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: (from another chat log)

RichL: I am Sam. Sam I am! I like green eggs and ham.

Rizzn: Would you eat them in a box? Would you eat them with a fox?

RichL: I would eat them in a tree. Even if I had to pee.