Dear Diary,

It’s time, my friends, for another episode of:

Narcolepsy Man: The Man of Pi
Fear, Loathing, and ACTION in Las Vegas

Where we left off: Action Grrl, Narcolepsy Man, Rin, and the Backstreet Boys minus Nick were on their way to Las Vegas from the Superhero Charity Ball to see just what was up with Nick. Super Fast Kel was back at the Ranch with the Mysterious Death Chimp.

The whole crew, minus Super Fast Kel screeched to a halt in a parking lot of the MGM Grand, in the Super Fast Action Tank.

“So what now? This is where he was staying, right, the MGM Grand?” asked Action Grrl of the ‘Boys.

“Uhmmm,” uhmmed the Boys of the Backstreet. “No one wrote down the room number.”

“Well, we got two choices, we can either knock on every door here, or I could go all Narcolepsy Man on that bell-boy’s buttocks over there and see what’s up,” said Narcolepsy Man.

“I really don’t think that falling asleep in front of the bell-boy is going to solve anything,” pointed out Action Grrl.

“Good point. But you are forgetting that I am Narcolepsy Man, the Man of …, um ….” Narcolepsy Man forgotted (forgotted? heh).

“The ‘Man of Pi’?” suggested A.J.

“Yeah! Sorry, mental block.”

So The Man of, uh, Pi went up to the bell-boy and challenged him.

“So, uh, Ed,” read Narcolepsy Man off the bell-boy’s nametag, “I hear that a certain Backstreet Boy is staying here today.”

“Mr man in tights, don’t think you can get that information out of me,” replied the bellboy. “Unless you can recite more Pi than I.” With that, the bell-boy pulled out his prized possession, a blue ribbon from the county Pi-reciting contest.

Unflinching, Narcolepsy Man agreed. And the stand off began.

286208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647 ….”

And on and on they went. For 30 minutes.

And finally …

Someone …


Of course it was the bell-boy who faltered. For he was not the Man of Pi!

“I am quite impressed .. ” finally said the bell-boy. “I challenge nearly everyone I can to a Pi-reciting contest, and you are the only one who has ever bested me. I submit to you master.”

“Hrmm, ” thought Narcolepsy Man. “I could use a sidekick.”

“You ever thought of being a superhero sidekick, Bell-boy?” asked Narcolepsy Man.

“No, but it sounds like fun. More fun than standing here. You askin? If so I’m in,” said Bell-Boy.

“Ok. You can be officially sworn in and go thru your sidekick ceremony later, but right now we need all the assistance we can get to find this Nick character,” said Narcolepsy Man.

“Alrighty! sounds like fun. Yeah, Nick is up in room 432,” said the Bell-Boy.

Narcolepsy Man gave the all clear signal to the guys in the Super Fast Action Van. The crew jumped out and headed over the front door.

“Who’s this?” asked Rin. Still looking devilishly handsome in his superhero suit.

“This is Ed, the Bell-boy of Pi. He’s giving the superhero sidekick idea a whirl,” replied Narcolepsy Man

“Welcome to the club,” welcomed Action Grrl.

And with that they went up to room 432. As they slowly and quietly crept up to the door, no sounds could be heard, because these are really expensive rooms with soundproofing made by the best roofing company around. So really they were sneaking for no reason.

“So what do we do now?” asked Action Grrl.

“Don’t look at me,” said Ed, the Bell-boy. “I’m just a side-kick too.”

“Well, does anyone have on an Inviso-Belt, y’know, like what Space Ghost has? We could sneak in.” asked Action Grrl.

“No, but I heard Space Ghost was performing some swank tunes for swingin superheroes down in one of the lounges this weekend,” said Narcolepsy Man. “I can try to see if he’s asleep and get him to help us out.”

“Ok, make it so,” suggested Rin.

And with that, Narcolepsy Man went to the dream world.

And the superhero’s waited.

And waited.

Some more.

And then….

“Well, guys, good news and bad news: Bad news is that Space Ghost is all booked up, what with the lounge singing circuit all lighting up for him and all. But the good news is that I was able to get us the Keebler Elves.”

“The Keebler Elves, what good will that do us, and what are they doing in Las Vegas?” asked Action Grrl, with a little irritation.

“I figured Keebler Elves are small, so they can fit thru the vents,” explained Narcolepsy Man, “Anyways, they were down in the comedy lounge filling in for the standup routine for the Pillsbury Do-boy. He had some sort of bacterial infection or something.”

** enter the Keebler Elves **

“So what are we doing here for you, superheros?” asked one particularly kewt leetul elfie welfie.

“We need you to scout out what’s going on in this hotel room. Think you can make it thru the vents?” asked Narcolepsy Man.

“Dude, we’re 2 inches tall. I think we can make it,” he replied. “Have a cookie.”

So off they tromped, while our adventurous adventurers munched on Elf Graham cookies until the leetul elfies got back.

“Well, there’s a guy, Nick, according to my “Hi my name is:” badge. And there was this dude with spikes all over his back,” said Ernie the Elf.

“That would be Bowser,” Narcolepsy Man stated, pulling from his vast arcane knowledge of things Nintendo.

“Right,” Ernie the Elf continued. “Well, he had this notebook here that you might find interesting.”

About four of five elves handed Action Grrl a notebook marked ‘Bowser’s Super Evil Plans to Destroy Superheros’, and right there on page 4 was a plan to get Super Fast Kel to give up the superhero bit.

Insidious Plot #4
Step 1: Kidnap Princess Toadstool.
Step 2: Set up N64 Championship in Las Vegas to take away precious Main Squeeze Nick.
Step 3: Make prize of Championship kiss from Princess Toadstool
Step 4: Take pictures
Step 5: Send the pictures to key superheros who will be at the superhero ball.
Step 6: Collect reward money in US Dollars from Big Man, the leader of the Crackheads

“What an insidious plan!” observed Action Grrl.

“I knew Big Man was somehow behind this,” said Narcolepsy Man.

“What they didn’t count on was the dedication of her sidekick!” expressed Action Grrl. “Let’s go in there and kick some Bowser butt.”

“For sure!” they all replied. And with that they busted in the room, ready for action.

Nick was bound to a chair, and Bowser was getting up and ready to face them. Acting quickly, Rin ran at him and was going to punch him, but was forced to abort that action as a fireball came straight for him out of Bowser’s mouth.

“His weakness is you have to stomp on his head three times!” Nick yelled.

Armed with this information, they tried a different strategy. Narcolepsy Man closed his eyes, and cut loose a Sonic Snore(tm), knocking Bowser easily to his bum, giving Action Grrl, Rin, and Ed, the Bell-Boy of Pi a chance to stomp on his head three times in quick succession.

Later, the next day in the Action Headquarters Break Room, the superheros and the ALL the Backstreet Boys relay the story for the benefit of Super Fast Kel.

“Y’see, I didn’t want to tell you, but Nintendo had hired me as a secret operative to go investigate the foney C64 convention. I really have no feelings at all for Princess Toadstool. I just had to play along so Bowser wouldn’t know. I just got all, um, tied up [ed: hee hee], so that’s why I didn’t call,” explained Nick. “By the way, nice Airwalks.”

“Oh, you noticed Nick!” exclaimed Super Fast
Kel, excitedly. “I understand now. You were just preoccupied before, so that’s why you didn’t notice. Well, if anything like that happens again, you know you can always count on your superhero friends.”

“I’m glad I can,” said Nick to Super Fast Kel, as they scootched closer to each other on the Super Fast Action Couch (this is a family show guys, keep your mind out of the gutter).

“Ok, well, I guess we ought to leave these crazy kids alone,” said Narcolepsy Man.

“Too bad that Ed the Bell-boy of Pi didn’t join up with you,” said Rin.

“Yeah, but he has his own city to protect, as do I,” replied Narcolepsy Man. “But if you ever need me again, I’m just a, uhh, wink of shut eye away. Just call me on the ZZZ-Phone.”

“Will do!” replied Super Fast Kel.

And with that, Narcolepsy Man closed his eyes, and dissappeared, no doubt on his way back to the Sleepy Cave to combat crackheads in the Big D.

Excitement abounded this episode, but what will happen next? We still don’t know how Mysterious Death Chimp fits into all this, and will Narcolepsy Man ever get a side kick? and the Super-Villain behind it all, Big Man, will he ever go down? All these questions and more answered next time on Narcolepsy Man: Man of Pi, or maybe on The Continuing Adventures Of Super Fast Kel and Her Side Kick Action Grrl (aka Almost-as-Fast-as-Kel Michelle) Who Battle Evil and Do Lots of Other Cool Stuff… or any other myriad of other superhero pages on a diaryland entry near you!


Quote of the Entry: “If your altar has a spit cup, you might be a Redneck Pagan.”

– Phillip Thompson

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