Dear Diary,

For the record, I don’t care who reads this entry.

I should be in the car driving to work right now. Boy, woudl that freak the people at work out. I’d actually be on time for the first time in …. ever.

But alas, I’m going to write to you, diary. Because I’m sure that they don’t really expect me for quite a while.

Well. Well. Well.

I’m not going to talk about the whole truth right now.

But my roommate Crackbaby and I stayed up till about 4 last night talking. Well, I had been asleep, but he work me up, and then we talked, and I couldn’t go back to sleep after that.

My mind is reeling.

Reeling. That’s a good word for it.

But hey, whatever works. At any rate, I cleared the air between me and him. I figured out the reason of the strife between him and my Girl. It was something she said a real real long time back that apparently I was present for but didn’t hear that made him lose all respect for her.

She said, “I’ve used guys for money before, and never even had sex with them.”

That’s the wrong thing to say to either Crackbaby or I. We’ve had both really bad experiences with that in the past. I can’t believe I didn’t hear that. That was like four months ago.

Now I’m not going to say that she’s been using me.

But ouch.

No sex with her.

She borrows a lot of money. From me.


Yes, that’s the sound of a 2000 ton gear crushing my head. (inside joke, I’ll explain it sumtime if someone asks me nicely enough).

Yet true enough.

Plus plus plus…..

I get this sinking suspicion she’s been sneaking around on me. In that bad way. (is there a good way?)

I, folks, am an id-ee-ut!

I’m embarrassed to even type it to you, diary.

Well, as all of you know, I speak to you a lot about my girl. Most of you are thinking, sheesh Rizzn, shut up about yer freakin’ girl!

I wear it like a badge. It’s a big accomplishment for me! I’ve got a girlfriend! Geeeky Rizzn has a girl! woo!

She doesn’t tell any of her online friends that she has a guy.

Most of her online friends are guys.

Now now now now now, this in and of itself is no proof of anything, no reason to suspect anything. I mean whoopadee doo. They are just online people. Worst thing could happen is she has cyber sex, which I know she doesn’t do. (cybersex is really funny, topic for another time! remind me!)

But I know guys are. Online. They are fscking jackals! You know how I know this? I’m a guy!

When I’m in a relationship, other girls are off limits. If I’m not in a relationship when other girls I know are in relationships, they are off limits. Most guys bide by these rules.

She doesn’t tell them she’s in a relationship. These guys aren’t in relationships.

I’ve seen them type back and forth before. It’s innocent enough.

But it’s MY GIRL! damnit!

Bad part is, many of these people live in the area. These are people she has sought out in the area. online! Don’t ask me where she finds them. I know where, but I’m not going to tell you because that is too embarrassing to admit. But if you guess the right answer, I won’t tell you you’re wrong.

Oh wait, your a diary. You won’t guess anything. Good.

Well, one of these dudes lives in Houston. He’s thinking about moving to Dallas.

He has a girlfriend in Houston. That he’s leaving to move to Dallas.


Okay more.

He knows nothing about computers, so my altruistic girlfriend decides she can educate him. And says yes when he decides to come up and visit so he can interview and get training.

I don’t know what the sleeping arrangements were (i.e. if he rented a hotel or what), because I was afraid to ask.

Oh, by the way, this guys a security guard, so chances are he could kick my ass.

If he stayed at her house though, I will go apesh!t. I swear I will.

Too much bad sh!t is going on in our relationship for her to have strange guys staying at her house.

Plus, it’s just not damn safe! What if this dude is a weirdo?

Plus she told me not to come over! Like she wants to hide the fact that I’m her fscking boyfriend.

Good Grief!

I don’t like this, Sam-I-Am.


I’m thinking about making a surprise visit. Just a friendly time off work at lunch to deliver some lunch to my beeyootiful girlfriend. And meet homeboy.

And beat him senseless if he touches my girlfriend. I swear I will.


I will not beat anyone senseles.. I’ll probably just walk away with the urge to kill rising. Take three deep breaths. Come back in two days. Have a little come-to-Jesus discussion with my Girl, and then that will be it.

I’m thru with this stupid sh!t.

It’s just not working anymore. She is forcing my hand. It’s like she wants me to break up with her. It’s absofrickinglootly retarded!

You just don’t do stuff like that!

Am I wrong here? Tell me if I am. I’m serious.


Quote of the Entry: (warning: this is very male piggishness, apologies in advance)

“You know what the most beautiful sight in the world is, man?” asked Crackbaby.

“No, what’s that?” responded Rizzn.

“It’s when you look down at a woman’s face, and you see her push back that tuft of hair behind her ear right before she goes down [to suck on your little man]. Because you know what’s about to happen next,” answered the Crackbaby.

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