Dear Diary,

Once upon a time, there was a little boy. All the time he would eat hamburgers. Hamburgers for lunch, hamburgers for dinner, hamburgers for supper.

He just loved hamburgers. Sometimes, for dessert, he would ask for a hamburger in an icecream cone!

One day he was walking over to McDonald’s (because the other thing he liked to do besides eat Hamburgers was walk — he hadn’t yet learned how to ride a bike without training wheels, and was embarrassed about that) to go get a 99cent cheeseburger and he met up with this girl.

The girl was really cute, she had short hair that went into pigtails, and two earrings, and she looked like she was 7 years old.

And guess what? She was eating a hamburger!

So the little boy walked up to the girl eating the hamburger. He asked her what her name was, and she says “Jenny McDonald!”

The little boy couldn’t believe his ears! This was THE Jenny McDonald, the daughter of Ronald McDonald. That means this girl could get free hamburgers whenever she wanted.

The the little girl looked at him and said, “Hey, do you want a hamburger?”

“Do I!?!” replied the little boy. This was like I dream come true.

So the girl beckoned for him to follow her, and they walked to the McDonalds down the road. Once they went inside, they started walking towards the bathroom, and stopped in front of that little door that says “Employees Only.”

Little Jenny pulled out her keys and opened up the door.

Once inside, they went into the kitchen where all the happy hamburgers were placed under the heat lamps waiting to be sold to happy hamburger eaters, some in happy meals, others in just plain brown bags.

But inside there was a secret door behind where the spare heat lamps are kept, and when you go in there, there is a tree growing with hamburgers waiting just to be picked and eaten.

And Ronald McDonald lives there!

So the little boy and Jenny McDonald sat there and ate hamburgers until Ronald had to do a commercial shoot or something. But eventually Jenny and the little boy grew up and got married and always ate hamburgers in the special place in the back of McDonalds, and hung out with Ronald and lived happily ever after the end.


Quote of the Entry: “You have lowwww standards.”

– Tenderpoison (speaking in reference to my taste in 99 cent cuisine).

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