Dear Diary,

Hi. I like slacking off.

Did you ever have one of those Dilbert-esque, Office Space-esque moments where you get chewed out fifteen times for something you did by 15 different managers and cowerkers, extending even into the next day?

Just checking.

Sorry I haven’t been updating so much.

I’ve been in developer mode, I have been staying late working to get our Ringtone project out by deadline.

I just had a heart to heart with our team lead on the project and he said he doubts our project will ever see version 2.0. Finland (the head office) is going to give us their version. So all this time I’ve spent over the last 5 months specializing on freaking Ringtunes, NBS (narrow band sockets) and SMS (smart messaging service) has been a waste.

I hate the fsckups in Finland now. I’m glad they didn’t send me on that trip. I would have murdered them.

Last night I had an epiphany on why my memory works the way it does. Why I have trouble remembering to do things that I need to, but I can remember images all the way back to when I was a year old.

My earliest memories. By Rizzn.

I remember when I was in trouble when I still lived in Florida (I know I was younger than three cuz thats when I moved to texas)… my dad was taking me to my room, and I remember that in my room the carpet changed colors from the hallway. I sat down on my bed… it had four posts, with balls on the end. I had a pegboard with woodgrain stuff on it bookshelf with childrens books on it (the little golden books).

I remember when my mom was teaching me to swim in my gramma and grandpas pool. They gave me milk jugs that were half full of water so I wouldn’t depend on them much. They also used to take me to the public pool too.

I remember going to a little preschool thingy taught by a lady I think was named Mrs. Jordan. Her husband had some sort of back surgery where he had to have stitches that went all up and down his back, Mrs. Jordan called them rail road tracks.

Her preschool thing was cool. It was either a doublewide or a portable building or something. It had all kinds of cool toys. I didn’t talk much with the other kids. There were a couple of them I liked but I didn’t have a friend friend relationship or anything. Most of them were impressed by what I could draw with the etchasketch, which was cooler than the one I later got in kindergarden for christmas, because it had four knobs, and the one I got had only two.

I remember one time Mrs. Jordan took us outside by the road because there was this tortise outside that was as big as me. I know I wasn’t very big, but it seemed really cool at the time.

I remember meeting my uncle tommy and my cousin tommy one time. They had loud dogs in cages.

Nobody like my Aunt Charlotte. She was the only person back then who told me to shut up and talked bad about me. But she gave me a train set for Christmas one time. She died a few years ago. Nobody really liked her.

I remember being carried around the college campus where my dad worked and this guy pinching my cheeks. My mom later told me this guy always called me chubby cheeks. I don’t have chubby cheeks anymore, so I don’t know what he’d call me now. Probably my name. But then again, I don’t know if he’s still alive or if so where he lives. Kinda sad if you think about it.

I remember one time when my grandpa drained the pool and was walking around in the bottom of it. Last year he drained it again and accidentally fell in. He is ok, though.

My grandma and grandpa had cool pool toys. One was this plastic boat that I just thought was the shiznit. The sailboat thing was cool too, just not as detailed, so I didn’t like it as much. I liked toys that had insides you could see, like hot wheels and things.

I remember one time I was watching some educational show on PBS when we still lived in Florida, and a fire engine went by and my mom told me that’s how a fire engine sounded. And she made all the sounds of the different emergency vehicles. It was cool.

I also remember one time I was watching a different educational show, one where this lady stands up and talks about different things that three year olds need to learn about, and my mom wanted to sit down and teach me some things, and I told her I wanted to watch this show, it was teaching me, and she got mad. I felt really bad about making her mad. I think she was sadder rather than mad. I wish I could take that back.

I remember the day we were packing up to move from Florida. My mom made ceramic things, and I can always remember us going to pick things up from the oven .. and she was wrapping up a giraffe she made next to the fireplace, and broke it. I think she was sad about that.

I remember riding to Texas in a big truck. It was a yellow ryder. You couldn’t see out the rear view mirror even though it had one (the one on the winshield) because of the back part covered up the back window.

Those are a smattering of my memories from pre-three years old. I was analyzing in my head how I remember these things, and I figured best I could all I remember really are like details about it, and wireframes kindof like that tell me the positions .. I could go into great detail of how the room looked or what have you. It’s like I have 3D studio files of what was going on in my head and when I remember it it’s like it renders in my head.

The way I catalogue these things is by attaching the memories I have to objects. Some are files, so to speak, that I pull up so much that I don’t have to attach them to an object or item I have, and I just remember them. But that is what makes me such a packrat. Ask my roomies. I keep everything.

And it’s because it helps me remember. And remembering makes me emote, either sad, happy, exactly what I was feeling in the memory. And also it gives me that Nostalgic feeling where I think, wow, I’d like to relive that.

A memory is a lot like a GUI os for a power user. Things that you remember a lot, you don’t have to use icons (i.e. objects, notes, etc) to remember. Things that you don’t use a lot, you use notes to remind you, objects associated with the memory. Things like that. When you rely on objects a lot, your desktop, i.e. your living space, can get cluttered. On the other hand, if you use the command line, i.e. direct recall without visual or auditory aid, to remember things, you have less clutter.

I don’t know. It’s a haphazard article about how I think of things, but it’s what I came up with last night right before I fell asleep.


Quote of the Entry: “Things are not always better in the morning.”
– kat

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