Yes. This is a letter to you. I start out usually with a dear diary, because usually I am writing strictly to my diary and my anonymous group of online friends that read my diary. But no. Today I write to you.
I knew this day would come. I figured I should have used a nickname you guys wouldn’t have guessed. But hey, it was sooner or later you guys would read my private stuff so it might as well be now.
I don’t know who you think you were fooling with that silly professor letter, Dad. I would think you would know better than to peek into something as private as a diary. But knowing you and mom (this is no insult, just a statement of facts), you two will peek into anything of mine that will give you insight into my life that you think you should have. And I understand that. Because after all I am your only son, and I know you guys love me.
But I beg of you, please don’t read my diary. It’s not that I’m hiding things from you. It’s not that I’m lying to you folks. It’s just that you have some social circles in life that you want to share certain information with, things that you are thinking and feeling that you can’t necesarily relate in terms you would understand to other social circles in your life. I would hope that you folks would respect me for that.
I really don’t know how much you read in my diary about how my life has gone or whatnot for the last two or so years I’ve kept this diary. I am not sure I want to know exactly what you think. There is a reason I keep this diary a secret from you, and I’m about to share it.
I have failed in my short time away from you guys time and time again. I heard in school (probably one of the few useful things I learned in school) that a wise man once said “Those who don’t know history are doomed to repeat it.” I keep this record mostly of my mistakes and some of my few successes as a record to myself so I can have a better record and roadmap as to where to go with my life.
Sometimes the language and the topics I discuss you might deem something unworthy of discussion but this is a diary of my thoughts and feelings and sometimes I think and feel things that aren’t right or things that really shouldn’t be discussed. And what I find is that by writing about it in an anonymous forum like this is I gather like minded folks who have been on the same path as me or the paths we have walked have crossed and they are able to offer advice as to the direction I take.
Most of all, I don’t tell you about this diary to read because I don’t want you two and the rest of my family to see just all the mistakes I’ve made. Because one of my major goals in life is to make you two proud. I don’t know that I’ve been able to do that yet, and you learning about all my failures that I have had on my road to what I considered limited success in life doesn’t help me approach one of my goals in life of impressing you two.
And please don’t say hey, we don’t care about that you can tell us about all your failures because frankly I can’t. I’ve done things that have been chronicled here in this diary that might have made you proud and I’ve done things chronicled in this diary that might have made you ashamed. I don’t know. But know that I am earnest in that what I really want is not just your approval of my life or what I do with it, but your pride in saying “Hey! That’s my kid, he’s made me proud.” And I don’t want it just because I’m fishing for compliments, I want it because I really did something that you find worthy.
So in conclusion, family, I love you, and I hope you respect my privacy. I’m doing well, I’ll be giving you a call probably tonight, and I am not sure but I think I’m going to email this to you as well. Just so you know.
Quote of the Entry: (From CBL’s Message Board)
Subj: Re: missing person
hey, i’m looking for a guy i used to know, or thought i knew. he stood for truth but i wonder if he’s confused by the garbage of today’s world. maybe i don’t know him at all. what do you think?
– Professor (aka my Dad)
Truth, like all things, is in the eye of the beholder. Perhaps what this missing person percieves to be true, is true, for them, but not true for you. It could be something liek that. Maybe he’s lost, dazed, confused, and in a closet somewhere hoping someone will free him from it?
I can’t know without more information. That and my magic 8ball is broken so no canned responses shall emerge.