I have Knoppix installed on the laptop now. That is probably the least important development of recent times.
I know I have an interesting cross-section of readers. I have the random viewers. I have the close friends. I have the new net friends. There’s the people who watch this page for juicy nuggets of information about FlyDLUX. And of course there’s a few friends of friends that read the site, too. Its difficult writing in a manner that respects boundaries of the position I’m in as well as is accessible to those who frequent my page.
I’ve got to be honest. This turn here in the FlyDLUX world has taken it’s toll on me. My mind feels drained all the time. It’d be different if things had taken a turn for the successful, but it hasn’t. It is really hard not to get into a depressive cycle because of all this. I mean Rick and I had this office running like a finely tuned machine. Sure, we were fighting fires constantly, but every employee knew their place, their function, and we had some sense of accomplishment.
Then the crushing fist of reality came down upon us. It became apparent that no matter what we did, what problems on our end we fixed, there was someone out there that was deliberately fscking it up for us.
Perhaps deliberately fscking it up is too strong, but when you look at the opportunity we had, and the organisation of gifted people we had at this end put together, and look at how it all is dying now, it certainly appears as if things were sabotaged, even if it wasn’t done so deliberately.
People who know this story know what I’m talking about. Those of you who have listened to me bitch about my company in person know the feeling I have right now. It’s desperation. And truly, things aren’t so bad for me. I have a lot of opportunity opening up for me currently. I’ve got the Aircraft Project. I’ve got the Biotech Project. There’s a few smaller things on the table.
Honestly, though, I’m beaten. I feel like Rocky or something. I keep refusing to go down even though the fight should have been over, something inside me keeps making me get back up. I feel like my brains have literally been beaten out of me. I barely have the will to do my own personal projects. I mean I don’t even get this depressed when I’m unemployed.
Having said all that, tomorrow I’m enacting a plan for personal improvement, and I’m sticking to it. I’m going to remain on task, and there is nothing that can prevent me from doing so. I’m turning off the distractions. I’ve got a list of things to do that will make me money, get me out of this situation, and help those that are around me get out of the same infectious funk I’m in.
In other news, I am enjoying running Linux on the laptop. I’ve been using it exclusively to acclimate myself to it’s mannerisms. It’s been ages since I’ve exclusively used a *nix box (the last one was my Sparc station). Things I need to make Linux my primary OS: Sonic Foundry Acid Port/Clone, Good Wav editor, Dreamweaver (haven’t checked to see if there’s a linux port), and a good BASIC compiler. After that, alls I’d need would be an NT box to run a true .NET environment for my ASP hosting and I’d be a happy Linuxy guy.