Uma Thurman – Wikipedia: “In 2003, Thurman and Hawke split, but claimed that as of then, there were no plans for a divorce. “

The other night, Darrell told me that Uma and Ethan had split up, and I assumed they were divorced.

I suppose I’m still going to have to wait a while for that. I’ve been waiting since 1998. I missed my opportunity in ’97 when I became legal — I’d been drooling over her since I was a freshmen — Penn Jillette used to mention her in every article he did on the backpage of PC Magazine.

I ended up looking her up and fell in love. Then that bastard Ethan Hawke stole her from me in ’98. But now that their love is on the skids, all I do is bide my time, and when the paperwork is final, I show up on her doorstep and let her know I’m moving in.

I mean … uh … anyways. I’m going to bed now.