I need constancy. I need things I can count on. I need less manic-depressive episodes from people. I need people to believe in me.

Today is a big day. I’ve gotten two job offers locally, and a couple out of state, both of them pay for relocation fees. I also I have two meetings scheduled with investors this afternoon I’m going to attend. I don’t see money reaching my pocket today, honestly, but there is that possibility. It’s starting to feel a bit like 1999.

Emotionally, however, I’m a bit confused. I’m beginning to feel a bit like a cornered rodent or something. I find it difficult to explain to people how life works. I just know how it works. I’ve lived a self-reliant life much much more than your average bear — I know how to survive, I know what to do to succeed. That people fail to realize that about me is unfortunate. That’s OKay, though. I just hope those that want to get on board for the big win do so quickly. I have little tolerance for fairweather fans.

I know every move I’m making right now. I’m at the crux point. I’m not as “flying” as everyone has the impression of me being. Just because I don’t spell every last thing out for everyone doesn’t mean I don’t know the details of everything going on in my life. Just because my hair may be messy or my clothes wrinkled doesn’t mean I don’t know how to make a buck or don’t know how to comb my hair or iron my clothes. (these are metaphors: look beyond the words I say; look into my actions, look into my track record, look into my abilities).

Be careful. Just because I don’t talk about the amount of stress I’m under doesn’t mean I’m blissfully unaware, it just means my breaking point is much higher than a normal person’s breaking point.

Do not underestimate me. All of you — you seem to underestimate me.

“Look at Rizzn — he’s a savant. He can create perpetual motion machines but he can’t tie his shoes.” I have weaknesses but underestimate me at your peril.

Don’t get offended if you think this is targeted towards you. I am getting things off my chest because there are many things frustrating me now, and the most constructive thing I can do is rant into the ether about them.

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