[edited on 8-9-04: removed the name from the source, as she wished not to be named.  clarified allegations as being ALLEGED]

I recently spoke with a source who wish not to be named from Telluride Daily Planet. She warned me to “be very circumspect in your dealings with Mr. Heirich. ” Of course with a warning like that, I took her up on her offer to call her up and get an idea of what she was talking about. She gave me the tip that Mr. Heirich was in her opinion, a nut, and has been allegedly convicted of internet fraud previously, and was prohibited by the terms of his probation from dealing with computers and the internet (she followed up by saying she’s not sure if that is still in effect, so his probation may have run its course already). She also stated that Matthew and Company’s float in the parade was very creative and whimsical, and did not recollect Matthew or any other “Monkey” insulting the troops in Iraq. In another email today, Matthew mentioned that he would attempt to get to me a video of the float in the parade, which I will post online as soon as I recieve it. Below is excerpted from an email from Matthew (aka theShit)

Just so you have some more background on the float, we put an exercise bike with a furiously peddling monkey, and a sign on his back saying “monkey powered” and a trainer in the back of a truck and had a myself variously pushing and pulling the wagon. while all about a bunch of oddly dressed characters with bizzarre signs advocating monkey enslavement, witty sayings, “like who has the extra chromosome” and “Genesis 9:37 Man shall make the animals fear”, had monkeys on leashes performing various tasks such as picking up garbage, drilling stuff, odds and ends shit. (I personally prefferred allowing people to spank me, the monkey, even got the towns oldest sisters,90 and 91 respectivley to take a whack) The hood of the car was loaded on top with bannanas and some monkeys gave them out. And best of all, there was someone with a loudspeaker in the back of the truck who went on and on shouting “have a monkey do it! have a monkey do your laundrey, let a monkey wash your floors. For too long now monkeys have been up in the trees being lazy and grooming one another, they ought to work for me! they ought to be grooming me! have a monkey make you dinner.. have a monkey do it! A monkey can moe your lawn” etc…

Now playing: MAD2004[PREEMPTEDversion]

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