Kyrie O’Connor: “…And in central Maryland, a pet ferret has apparently escaped and mated with a coyote, producing the world’s friendliest and most amusing freakish monster creature of the night. So it turns out the Blair Witch is kind of furry and cuddly and likes cats? “

Scorpio Horoscope: “You were fascinated by the weird photo of a creature published in a North Carolina paper. The paper ran a snapshot taken in a man’s backyard. The critter looks like a hybrid of fox, coyote, and cat. Scientists haven’t been able to identify it. The moon has you absolutely convinced that this creature entered through an interdimensional wormhole. (The same Bizarro portal that Bill O’Reilly, Marilyn Manson and Carol Channing stepped through.)”