If you’re anything like me, you’re barely recovering from a weekend of binge holiday drinking, and you feel like you may have just emerged from some strange rabbithole. I’m really afraid to turn to any real news sources anymore, because I’m decidedly sick of the bull-crap responses I’ve been seeing to this Hurricane Katrina disaster down in NOLA.
I seem to remember this dream I had last night where some dumbass upstart rapper made an ass of himself on TV. He was really mad because there was this hurricane that came in and destroyed all the black people or all the rappers in New Orleans. I’m not sure if it was just rappers or black people because he said “my people” and he could mean either one. Here’s how I know it was a dream though: Chris Tucker and Mike Meyers were there, and neither one said anything at all.
Just before part of the dream, though, there was a mayor of a major American city cursing and yelling on television. Then the mother of the president made a stupid remark about how people were better off with their homes destroyed. Somewhere in all that, I got yelled at for trying to help these people with the destroyed houses. Then weirdly, as is common in dreams, Sean Penn showed up to help me help the people, but then his boat sank, and he almost drowned because he put on a flak jacket instead of a life jacket.
I’m pretty sure it was all a dream, but then when I checked my mail this morning, I had to slap myself a couple times, because this bizarre headline was awaiting me in my inbox: SPAMIS: Microsoft wants to “kill” Google.
Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer vowed to “kill” Google in an expletitive-laced, chair-throwing tirade when a senior engineer told him he was leaving the company to go work for Google, the engineer claimed in court documents made public on Friday.
In a sworn statement made public Friday, Mark Lucovsky, another Microsoft senior engineer who left for Google in November 2004, recounted Ballmer’s angry reaction when Lucovsky told Ballmer he was going to work for the search engine company.
“At some point in the conversation, Mr. Ballmer said: ‘Just tell me it’s not Google,’ “Lucovosky said in his statement. Lucovosky replied that he was joining Google.
“At that point, Mr. Ballmer picked up a chair and threw it across the room hitting a table in his office,” Lucovosky recounted, adding that Ballmer then launched into a tirade about Google CEO Eric Schmidt. “I’m going to f***ing bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I’m going to f***ing kill Google.” Schmidt previously worked for Sun Microsystems and was the CEO of Novell.
This pretty much cinches it. The whole world has gone mad. Where’s the damn blue pill?