DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows
Your neighbor has none
You feel guilty for being successful
Barbara Streisand sings for you

REPUBLICANISM
You have two cows
Your neighbor has none
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow

COMMUNIST
You have two cows
The government seizes both and provides you with milk
You wait in line for hours to get it
It is expensive and sour

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses
Your stock goes up

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows
You go on strike because you want three cows
You go to lunch and drink wine
Life is good

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains
Most are at the top of their class at cow school

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don’t know where they are
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman
You break for lunch
Life is good

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows
You have some vodka
You count them and learn you have five cows
You have some more vodka
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Jalalabad, which are two
You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts
You get a $40 million grant from the government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows
They go into hiding
They send radio tapes of their mooing

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them

BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow
The cow is schizophrenic
Sometimes the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s Flemish
The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk
The cow asks permission to be cut in half
The cow dies happy

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow
Everyone votes for the best looking one
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one
Some people vote for both
Some people vote for neither
Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows
They make real cheese
Only five speak English Most are illegals
Everyone likes the ones with the big udders