image Dear Mr. President,

When you go fuck off in November, please realize you didn’t fuck off all on your own. Millions of stupid, helpless Americans helped you fuck off by voting against you.

Why does America hope you fuck off? Perhaps it’s because you can’t stop insulting them. I’ve worked with a lot of folks with doomed political campaigns (hey, I am a Libertarian) and none of the folks I’ve ever run for office have ever made a habit of insulting every potential voting block with the degree of regularity you do.

You’ve insulted my demographic a few times, but none so solidly as you did this weekend. You see, I’m an entrepreneur. You told a group of supporters in Roanoke, VA this weekend that their business owning friends are basically standing on the shoulders of their betters in the Federal government. You said, and I quote, “if you’ve got a business, you didn’t build that.”

This quote, which when I first heard it, thought must have been taken out of context by a stupid pinhead at Fox News or something. I mean, who else would possibly misconstrue your words of love to the American public to mean that you think they’re incapable of basic business success.

Oh wait, sorry. You’re a Democrat. My bad.

At any rate, when you put your previous quote into it’s proper context, it somehow gets worse. I didn’t think this would be possible, and you probably don’t either, so let me re-read your words back to you.

“If you were successful, somebody along the line gave you some help. there was a great teacher somewhere in your life. Somebody helped to create this unbelievable American system that we have allowed you to thrive.”

So not only have you not actually said a real sentence (hate to be a grammar Nazi), but if you try to draw meaning from what you said, basically if you had a teacher or lived in America, someone, probably a federal employee, handed the success to you.

Do you not see how this might piss me off, as someone who works really hard to be successful?

imageLet me rephrase. Why are you so stupid (since we’re name-calling here) that you can’t see why what you said insults me and millions of entrepreneurs to our very core?

I grew up with a lot of the same students from kindergarden all the way through 12th grade. Very few of them have achieved the success I have had, and most of them are far more advantaged than I am.

Those that have achieved success would probably chafe at the assertion that their success could be attributed solely to a combination of a ditch-digger on the highway and their fifth grade teacher.

Don’t get me wrong: I loved my fifth grade teacher, but she didn’t stay up late with me trying to figure out how to make payroll, and she didn’t do my taxes for me when your IRS came to extract blood from my turnip in my company’s early, lean years. That ditch-digger may have built a great access road to I-75, but by no means helped me concoct a business model that helped my company succeed while so many news organizations with hundreds more years experience around mine imploded.

Most business men who built their own companies, like me, tend to self-identify with their work. We live and breathe our companies. Some of us have sacrificed our families and social lives on the altar of our business, and you come along and say “Hey, douche nozzle, you’re welcome. I’m the One who pays the paychecks of everyone that made your company possible. You should name your company after me, or at least your next child.”

Let’s not forget: I pay your salary. We all do. And who pays more of your salary than most? Business owners. We don’t expect a medal for paying our taxes, just like I don’t expect a medal giving my kids their dinner.

What do I get for feeding my kids? Kids who grow up and don’t die of starvation. What do I get for paying my taxes? Infrastructure.

What do you get for giving me infrastructure? Business owners who pay their taxes. It’s the circle of life, Simba.

You’re coming off as a little out of touch, is what I’m saying. According to the Economist magazine, America, between 1996 and 2004 created 550,000 small businesses every month.

Assuming not a single business was created since 2004, that’s still a lot of businesses. That’s a lot of jobs. That’s a lot of entrepreneurs.

Let me rephrase: that’s a lot of voters, dumbass.

Stop insulting your voting public, and maybe we’ll stop calling you things like socialist, community agitator, and dumbass. 

Otherwise, in a few months we’ll start calling you Former President Barack Obama.