Oh Night Divine!

Okay folks… I know it’s not Christmas any more, but I recently started chatting with my old online friend Uncle Bob again, and I was looking through his last few blog entries and came across this: (or download an mp3.) I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. Just when you think it can’t get worse, it does. Several times! The backstory: I received a copy of that song at least 2, maybe 3 Christmas seasons ago after hearing it at our youth group meeting. My friend Chris said that he received the song from the good folks at CIY (Christ In Youth). CIY is an organization that puts on huge youth conferences on college campuses, usually over the summer. Chris is on one of their leadership committees and the story goes that that recording was circulated amongst the committee after it had been submitted as an audition tape. CIY typically has singing or talent night (at least I remember they used to) and this recording is a serious audition tape. No joke. It’s serious. I play that song every year for my high school students to lighten them up before they take their Fall semester exams. I have heard that mp3 circulate from time to time, most notably hearing it on NPR’s Annoying Music Minute a couple of years ago. Now it is truly famous, thanks...

Happy Holidays to my friends, family, associates and loved ones.

For My Liberal Friends:"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. " "We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes. " "By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at...

Bad Santa

Deer Santa, I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I’v ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Friend, Franky Dear Franky, Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell. Alot of you on the internet spell the same way. You are too damned old for this so quit it. It’s not cute but it is fucking confusing. Santa **************************************************** Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Nichole Dear Nichole, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they? Santa **************************************************** Dear Santa, I don’t know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I’d like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy Dear Teddy, Look, your dad’s banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he’s gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It’s time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead. Santa **************************************************** Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you’re gay. I’ll set you up with a Barbie. Santa ******************************** ******************* Dear Santa, I...

Political Musings – Presidential Politics 2008

The following comes to me from Robert Novak: Much of Republican Washington turned out at the huge Christmas party Monday night hosted by Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) at the Corcoran Art Gallery. Sen. Trent Lott (R-Miss.), the newly elected Senate minority whip, has emerged as a major McCain backer. McCain is not only the front-runner for the presidential nomination but is emerging as the establishment candidate. Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D- N.Y.) passed the word to New York Democrats that she intends to run for President at a time when many Democrats are looking for an alternative. Former Sen. John Edwards (D-N.C.) is campaigning hard, but the biggest threats to Clinton are former Vice President Al Gore (who may never run) and Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) (who has not made up his mind). [via the Novak Evans report] So there you have it – the not surprising analysis from Novak that tells us what we’ve known for months – that these are our political candidates. Yet, I keep seeing this guy’s ad for president pop up on my GMail ads, and I wonder if he’s going to be a silent runner that makes an impact. It could be interesting.  Then again, maybe not – in some of his interviews, he’s made it clear he doesn’t have a real intention on winning....

Tight Finances and How I Make Ends Meet

Due to the recent wedding, upcoming baby, Christmas, and a couple of mitigating work factors, finances are REALLY tight right now at the Rizzn household…  So much so that I am piecemeal selling my comic book collection. Those that know me very well are very likely gasping in disbelief.  I’m starting with my indies, and moving into my Batman collection if things are still tight.  As Smokie said the other day, "Welcome to fatherhood, bitch." So anyways, if you could, I’d appreciate it if you could take a close look at my auctions on eBay, and pick something up for that special comic book nerd this year for Christmas.  At the very least, bid on these items and run the price up so some other comic nerd will pay a premium for these suckas! Thanks. Modern Age Comic Book Grab Bag – 55 Comics Total Spawn #1 by Todd McFarlane – NEAR MINT Grendel Comics – GOOD CONDITION ECLIPSE Airboy #1, 11, 15-16, 18, 23-26, 33 Mai the Psychic Girl Manga – #2,11,12,14,15,18,20, 21 Mage from COMICO #9, 10, 11, 12, 14 — /mark "rizzn" hopkins For my blog, profile, wikipedia and digg entries, simply Google "rizzn"Check out Season 1 of Podded Meat, my new Vodcast Network (SFW): http://poddedmeat.comCheck out:...

Flag Descration: Amendment Failed

An attempt to amend the U.S. Constitution to allow Congress to prohibit acts of desecration to the American Flag failed to secure the 67 votes necessary to send it to the states for ratification. In my view, this is the crux of what true freedom of speech means. It means defending even the most despicable verbal comments or harmless acts of protest, including flag burning, even when we find it personally utterly offensive. Any compromise on this position begins that slippery slope to “interpreting” away our individual rights. The party that was founded to champion liberty, Republican, only showed one member voting against it – Ron Paul. Given his libertarian background, it’s not surprising he’d vote this way. What is surprising is that he’s the only Republican with an ounce of common sense. Murray Rothbard had an interesting take on the the whole flag-burning issue which I think resolves the issue with little room for debate: Keeping our eye on property rights, the entire flag question is resolved easily and instantly. Everyone has the right to buy or weave and therefore own a piece of cloth in the shape and design of an American flag (or in any other design) and to do with it what he will: fly it, burn it, defile it, bury it, put it in the closet, wear it, etc. Flag laws are unjustifiable laws in violation of the rights of private property. (Constitutionally, there are many clauses in the Constitution from which private property rights can be derived.) On the other hand, no one has the right to come up and burn your flag,...

Just Another Day

Had a semi-productive day. Still putting names on the list for the Alpha Test. If you’re interested, mail me at mark@5tribe.com and let me know. I for one welcome our new robot overlords…The South Korean government has robot fever, and they’re about to unleash a whole army — literally — of the mechanized creatures on their public. According to The Korea Times, the country will see the rollout of police and military robots within the next five years, thanks to a newly approved $33.9 million spending appropriation. Patrol bots will guard the streets at night, and even chase criminals, while horse-shaped combat bots will augment the country’s fighting force. In both cases, the bots will communicate via Korea’s vast mobile network. To get things rolling, so to speak, Korea will debut a series of household bots in the private sector this October. Unlike domestic bots already released in Japan, the Korean bots will be relatively cheap, since they use the network to perform much of their computational work instead of internal hardware and software. Yeah, but they probably won’t do it right…Google’s made it pretty clear that’s it’s got advertising aspirations that go well beyond Adsense ads on web pages, looking to sell space in magazines and newspapers and on TV. Don’t forget about radio, either, with Google saying it will buy a company that’s developed a platform for selling, scheduling, delivering and tracking radio ad spots online. That sounds like Adsense for radio — so unsurprisingly, Google will integrate it into Adsense to sell radio airtime alongside Web ads. The question remains, though, just how much better and...

The Annual Christmas Haiku

Hello my faithful Rizznites – I hope your year has been at least as good as this one has turned out being for me. It was off to a rocky start… the middle wasn’t that great, but it seems to be ending with a bang! I hope you all experience nothing but the best with your family, friends, and loved ones this...

Basket Case (Kool Kannon Remix)

Hey guys.  Didn’t intend to do an update today, but I’m getting ready for my trip, cleaning my apartment, and I’m listening to music.  Green Day’s Basket Case comes up on the playlist, followed by a remixed version of Canon in D.  Bizzarre enough, I was struck with inspiration, and I took a break from what I was doing to work on the masterpiece I present to you now: Basket Case (Kool Kannon Remix). (click the link to download). Yes, yes – retarded I know.  In the spirit of Yet Another Generic Christmas Carol.  But fun, none the less. Oh, by the way, one of the agencies I report to when I submit video to MSM told me to be on the look out for Johnnie Depp in the Bahamas.  Maybe I’ll snake an interview, or at least a couple paparazzi pictures. /rizzn Music on the Turntables Currently: Yo La Tengo – Cherry...

Michael Brown's Opening Statement

[Rizzn’s Note: The other day I made a notation on how hard it was to find the transcript of the House hearings today on the federal, state and local response to Hurricane Katrina.  I eventually found them buried in the New York Times website.  I’m going to repost Michael Brown’s opening statement in its entirety today, and then go into some analysis tomorrow.  I think it’s vital that it be read, especially concentrating on the last half of the statements (essentially, the area of his opening statement where he stops talking about how FEMA works, which is important, but not as interesting as the rest).  You’ll discover exactly how atrocious it was that the entirety of the media focused on the ‘sensational’ allegations he made as opposed to his supporting statements. Incidentally, the blog he referenced in his statement was horseass.org, not JustCheck. The url wasn’t correct as stated, since he was referring to everyone’s favorite lefty wingnut central, the Daily Kos (specifically, Goldy at Horseass, a Kos contributor).  The link to the originator of this is here.] I just want to start out by saying that, you know, no longer being on the hot seat at FEMA, it is, indeed, a pleasure to be here. And I want to say also that I agree with you completely regarding the premise of these hearings. Lessons can be learned and should be learned. That was always my philosophy at FEMA. It was what we called a ramp (ph) program, where we always looked, after every disaster, every incident, at remedial actions and what we could do to improve things. I...

Jason Friedman is a Jerk, Part II

The Jason Friedman dilemma has once again reared it’s ugly head (and anyone who’s ever met Jason before knows that it’s an ugly head indeed).  Jason sent out yet another email to try to limit the effectiveness of our new marketing campaign by sending a two page run-on sentence to our affiliate base.  I’m going to post it here on the site in it’s unedited glory: I am resending this e-mail in response to the onslaught of complaints I have recently received regarding the new company American Association for consumer Services that has been trying to pass itself off as AACS Inc. These complaints range from” Leo and Ricky have told me that my clients have X deletions yet their score has not gone up” to “ I have paid AACS LTD. X amount of dollars and never heard from them again” I have also received numerous complaints regarding Settlement and debt negotiations. I am going to relay this one more time, “AACS LTD. Company has limited knowledge in settlements and debt negotiations and are not able to arrange settlements for anything other than lump sum settlements (and in most cases are only able to come to arrangements for the blanket amount which the client is able to do themselves.) This does NOT help clients that do not have the means to pay settlements in a lump sum. I am merely sending this e-mail to reiterate that AACS LTD. is in no way affiliated with AACS Inc. or Friedman & Friedman associates.AACS Inc. is now operating in conjunction with Friedman & Friedman Associates and is still offering our Credit...

Google Trap/Memory Lane Entry

I was chatting with Joel via email, and he asked me how we met in Middle School.  It started me on a long run down about what I knew about who from back then.  I figured I’d post it up here to act as a Google trap to any of the old crew I’ve lost contact with, in case they were to ego-search and find the page.  It’s worked in the past, so hey, why not. It’s been edited a little bit to protect a few of the guilty (it’s not like you’d know the names anyways, quit yer bellyaching). Joel: …refresh my memory of that how we met in middle school, Matthew said it involved some ass giving us trouble, I don’t remember frankly, but out of all the people I knew in middle school, you and James K. are the only ones I kept up with.  I still get bummed once in a while thinking about James. Its funny though that now, 14 years later, we’re still good friends. Me: Last time I heard from C—, it was back in 1999 or so, when I hired him to be on the sales team at Cox Communications.  He was going down to Houston for school, and then married some chick down there.  I haven’t heard from him in years, and he’s one of the few people I don’t search out from those days to get the skinny on.  Color me uninterested. John Wiseman is, as far as I know, still living in Arizona.  He moved down there to be closer to his sister, if memory serves, who then got married...

An email forward I just got. A little cliche, but contains a few valid points.

I think this is great If the US government determines that it is against the law for the words “Under God” to be on our money, then, so be it. ……………………………………………………………………. And if that same government decides that the “Ten Commandments” are not to be used in or on a government installation, then, so be it. ……………………………………………………………………….. And since they already have prohibited any prayer in the schools, of which they deem their authority, then so be it. ………………………………………………………………………… I say “so be it,” because I would like to be a law abiding US citizen. ………………………………………………………………………….. I say, “so be it,” because I would like to think that smarter people than I are in positions to make good decisions.  I would like to think that those people have my best interest at heart. …………………………………………………………………………. BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I’d LIKE? ………………………………………………………………………….. I’d like my mail delivered on Christmas, Good Friday & Easter & Sundays. ……………………………………………………………………. I’d like the US Supreme Court to be in session on Christmas, Good Friday, and Easter as well as Sundays. ……………………………………………………………………. I’d like the Senate and the House of representatives to not have to worry about getting home for the “Christmas Break.” …………………………………………………………………….. I’m thinking that a lot of my taxpayer dollars could be saved, if all government offices & services would work on Christmas, Good Friday, Easter & Sundays.  It shouldn’t cost any overtime since those would be just like any other day of the week to a government that is trying to be “politically correct”. ……………………………………………………………………….. This would not effect any “non-governmental” business since everyone else still has the freedom of...

Picture of Stacy (my ex) from Christmas...

Astrology is bullshit. Astrology is bullshit. Astrology is bullshit.

Self healing? Self healing was perfected by Rambo in Rambo: First Blood when he stitched his arm shut after he cracked a kid’s back while jumping off a cliff (and the only reason his arm split open was because he’s so tough he wanted to make the bad guys think they had a chance, but yeah right.. it was like Rambo sent them all Christmas cards, but instead of cards it was murder). [Read...

Chastity Belt Sets Off Airport Metal Detector » From the Sex Toy Department “When a 40-year old British woman set off a metal detector’s alarm at Athens airport, bemused security staff found that it was caused by a chastity belt she was wearing… ‘It happened a few days before Christmas. The metal detector went off and after a further check we found out she was wearing a chastity belt,’ airport police official Dimitris Tzouvaras told AFP, confirming a report in the daily newspaper To Vima… According to the press report, the woman told police officers her husband had forced her to put on the belt to make sure she had no extra-marital affair during a brief visit to Greece.” — Independent Online (South Africa) The thing you really want to know is whether officials forcibly removed the chastity belt. The story doesn’t say exactly, though it implies that they didn’t — the woman was allowed to fly back to London “on the pilot’s responsibility,” which makes it sound as though the pilot accepted the responsibility of allowing the woman to keep on her chastity belt. But if that were the case, wasn’t it really a breach of airline security? How could they be sure, in these troubled times, that she didn’t have plastic explosives packed into her vagina? Put a match to her pubes and the whole plane could explode… [via...

My Boss Sent Me This Today

My Boss Sent Me This Today In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (And that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner!  No purchase necessary.  Details inside. (The shoplifter special?) On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (And that would be how???….) On some Swanson frozen dinners: “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” (But, it’s “just” a suggestion). On Tesco’s Tiramisu Dessert (printed on bottom): Don’t turn upside down.” (Well…duh, a bit late, huh!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating.” (…And you thought????…) On packaging for a Rowenta Iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.” (But wouldn’t this save me more time?) On Boot’s Children’s Cough Medicine: “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (And…I’m taking this because???….) On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only.” (As opposed to…what?) On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use.” (Now, somebody out there, help me on this.  I’m a bit curious.) On Sainsbury’s Peanuts: “Warning: contains nuts.” (Talk about a news flash.) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.” (Step 3: maybe, uh…fly Delta?) On...

I had to quote this blogentry because it contains the word “fucktard.” has sims who are idiots I got The Sims for Christmas, as per my request […] and I have the dumbest fucktard Sims ever. I created two of my own and the dumbass househusband keeps setting the damn house on fire. I bought them two stoves in one day.     [via pippa...

Pictures from the Office Christmas...

Old School Rizzn (excerpted from rizzn.diaryland.com, 1-13-00): The other thing i was gonna talk about was my dream I had last night. I haven’t had one like last night in a long time. It was like a movie. There were three main characters in it, and I really can’t remember much from the beginning of it, but I can remember the very end. The dream kept repeating all night long The three dudes were a) this one dude who had a hairdo like Hugh Grant might if he was playing a movie about the mid 1800’s — this guy was drunk all the time, an Irish dude who had some sort of affair going on with a 80 year old female senator (the three guys stayed at her mansion all the time), and this third dude who was a blondie (the irish dude had slightly thin wiry curly red hair), who also had an old school looking haircut. I remember that the whole thing took place over a time period from a couple days before Christmas eve, (if not right on Christmas eve), to New Years eve. Sometimes the dream would take place from the point of view of the drunk guy. The mansion we stayed at was right next door to this big assed mall. I think it was a mall. Either it was a school that was setup like a mall, or it was a mall. I think it was a mall with a principal or something weird like that. But there were some definate bad dudes that wanted to screw up the mall. And I (as...