Qantas Airlines

Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in a latitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last………………

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midgetQa

Moby's Idea of a Funny Story

Or why Moby should stick to being a DJ and never ever try to be a standup comedian or a comedy writer:

oh, i got some good lindsay lohan gossip. turns out she’s a space alien and is actually a composite creature made out of 50 other tiny creatures, kind of like when the little rascals stand on each others shoulders and pretend to be an adult. she’s really 50 tiny space alien creatures pretending to be human.

it’s true, i heard it from the homeless guy in front of milk studios and he never lies about anything. like the time he told me that the pentagon is really an aquarium for floating reptile brains. he’s never wrong.

It’s funny in the same way you might find The Kids of Widney High funny. Does that make me a bad person?

/rizzn

Google's AI Needs a Bit of Work

I was playing around a bit this morning with Google’s Search History functions, and click the link Interesting Items. One of the things it picked (see image) that I might find interesting was the keyword term “баба марта.” I was interested since it was (presumably) in Russian, and I don’t do any Russian language searching, so I clicked on it. A few links down was the WikiPedia entry on the keyword, the gist of which was:

On the first of March and the first few days after, Bulgarians give to one another white and red tassels or small wool dolls called “Pizho and Penda“, or “Martenitsi”. Additionally, in Bulgarian folklore the name Mart is related to a grumpy old lady whose mood shifts very rapidly. Her name is Grandma Marta, in Bulgarian — Baba Marta (Баба Марта).

The tradition has remained almost the same today as it was when it began. Today Bulgarians give one another the red and white colours to please Baba Marta so that she will not make winter last. In doing so, they hope the spring will come as soon as possible. Many people wear more than one martenitsa, which they have received as presents from relatives, close friends and colleagues. Martenitsa is usually worn on the clothes pinned near to the collar or on the hand tied around the wrist. The tradition calls for wearing the martenitsa until the person spots a stork for the first time in the season. This bird is considered a harbinger of spring and is evidence that Baba Marta has been pleased and is about to retire.

Needless to say, I’m not all that interested. Thanks for trying, though Google!

/rizzn

Retarded Political Update

I really can’t say why I did this yet (I’ll tell you later), but I did a Google Trend search today that turned up the following information.

So, as it turns out, John McCain is roughly as popular as “Yer Mom” jokes.

/rizzn

Blast from the Past of the Day

Back before internet memes were called internet memes, there was the geek code.

I was so geeky, I had a geek code plug-in called SG code. I’ve long since lost that, but in case you’re wondering, here’s my backwards compatible v3.1 geek code.

—–BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK—–
Version 3.1
GB/CS/MC d+ s+++:– a- C++++ UL+ P++ L+ E—- W+++ N++ o+ K+++ w++++
O– M- V– PS+++ PE++ Y++ PGP t+ 5+ X– R+++ tv- b++++ DI++++ D+
G+++ e* h++ r+++ z++++
——END GEEK CODE BLOCK——

Mail Robert and make him update it.