Qantas Airlines

Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in a latitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last………………

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midgetQa

Moby's Idea of a Funny Story

Or why Moby should stick to being a DJ and never ever try to be a standup comedian or a comedy writer:

oh, i got some good lindsay lohan gossip. turns out she’s a space alien and is actually a composite creature made out of 50 other tiny creatures, kind of like when the little rascals stand on each others shoulders and pretend to be an adult. she’s really 50 tiny space alien creatures pretending to be human.

it’s true, i heard it from the homeless guy in front of milk studios and he never lies about anything. like the time he told me that the pentagon is really an aquarium for floating reptile brains. he’s never wrong.

It’s funny in the same way you might find The Kids of Widney High funny. Does that make me a bad person?

/rizzn

Retarded Political Update

I really can’t say why I did this yet (I’ll tell you later), but I did a Google Trend search today that turned up the following information.

So, as it turns out, John McCain is roughly as popular as “Yer Mom” jokes.

/rizzn

Unopened Emails

I hate those emails that I never open. On average I have about seven or so a day. You know what I’m talking about… You open it and you know you’ll have to do something about it, so you don’t open it so you can continue working on whatever it is that’s so important you can’t be interrupted at the time. Then the email ages for weeks in the back of the inbox, long-forgotten, and you garner a reputation for being a slacker when really you’re just a busy guy. It’s good to know that Ninjas and Programmers share this trait.

Marketing Ideas

[15:37] dreamclutch: what about a blimp
[15:37] RznDoUrdn: hah
[15:38] dreamclutch: what if I made a 50 foot blimp
[15:38] dreamclutch: radio controlled…
[15:39] RznDoUrdn: You might run into FAA trouble.
[15:44] dreamclutch: yeah but dude ..it would be halarious
[15:44] dreamclutch: I go to this diner right
[15:44] dreamclutch: know a lot of people there
[15:44] dreamclutch: fly the 50 foot blimp above the diner and route 309
[15:44] dreamclutch: with celebitrix.com lit up on the sides
[15:45] dreamclutch: and radio control it …
[15:45] dreamclutch: then for a finale, ..launch fireworks which are located on the underbelly of thee blimp
[15:45] dreamclutch: what do you think
[15:45] RznDoUrdn: LOL
[15:45] RznDoUrdn: make it a hydrogen blimp
[15:45] RznDoUrdn: then you have a deal
[15:45] RznDoUrdn: hehe
[15:46] RznDoUrdn: you can change your company slogan to ‘blow up like a celebrity’
[15:46] RznDoUrdn: Your company mascot can be Richard Pryor