On Stepfatherhood: The Emperor Strikes Back

My wife has talked me down from writing another nasty letter to my step-son’s father. Al obviously had another sit down brainwash session with AJ this weekend (which is really quite industrious of the jerk-wad, since his son was only with him for a few hours).

AJ stated rather matter-of-factly a few moments ago that “Mark isn’t my family.”

Iris talked AJ through the process of understanding how I in fact was his family, but all I could do was angrily type a legally threatening cease and desist letter.

Given the fact that an angry argument between Al and my wife that would upset her late in her pregnancy is a bad thing, I decided to save it to my draft folder instead of sending it.

The man is either a complete moron or an insensitive jerk. Neither of these things are a positive influence on AJ, not to mention them being disruptive events for my family. Its irritating, and save for the delicate situation we’re in right now what with the pregnancy, they would be actionable.

Instead, I’m pontificating into the ether about it, hoping to blow off some steam. I feel a bit better about it, knowing that the world reading my blog knows what a jerk Alvin Lloyd Lynch, Sr. is.

/rizzn

Incredibly Angry

People won’t leave my damn car alone.

I’ve never had my car broken into before last year when my radio was stolen and my windows and dashboard were destroyed.

Yesterday someone broke into my car again, and destroyed part of the engine taking out the battery.

I swear, I’m so pissed right now I could spit nails.

/rizzn

On Stepfatherhood: Reloaded

I just wanted to take a second and thank all of you for the loads of letters and IMs I’ve recieved in response to my post about AJ’s father, Al. I appreciate it, and your words were very encouraging.

The comments ranged from the Star Wars-esque (“Your the true father, Mark, only you!”), to the common sense (“Love AJ the best way you can. Your love will carry more weight in the long run than the confusion of the moment.”). All of it was much needed, and I’m glad I can count on my friends and family being there with sage advice when I require it.

I am re-focused, and will be able to deal with Al in a calm and rational manner as well as dealing with my step-son in a way that does not indicate the conflict that Iris and I are experiencing with his father. Most of you said the same thing (and I think you are unfortunately correct): there’s not much I or Iris can do that will change Al’s behavior towards his son, and us attempting to correct him or educate him on what he’s doing will only exacerbate things.

As for what AJ has decided to call me, he is back to calling me ‘Dad’ now, and seems to have forgotten or at least set aside what Al said to him.

Talk to ya later folks. Got another gazillion lines of code to write today.

/rizzn

PS: Special thanks to Val and Jeff.

A Lot of Interesting Tech Stuff

There’s just a ton of stuff I want to talk about and do with the blog lately and just don’t have the time resources to do it.

• Spotplex looks cool, but I can’t get them to issue me my code for my blog widget.
• P2P banking is here, and I want to talk about that a bit – bringing power away from the banks and back to the people.
• Google getting hit for a billion – that’s big stuff. I talked to Joel this afternoon who amazingly hadn’t heard yet, so no insider information on how they’re handling it (not that I’d be able it to post to the blog anyways!).
• RAMP is shaping up nicely, I want to get new screenshots out there.
• I’m getting some great advice from my friends re: my stepson situation.
• redesign: all my sites need them.

Lots of things. Probably Thursday before I can talk though.

/rizzn

Update (5:32 PM): I’m on the warpath! 602 lines of code written on a contract job today! In less than two hours!. I’m the MASTER CODER!

Sorry. Just hadda brag a bit.

On Stepfatherhood

I don’t often make direct references to my personal life, but the events of last weekend and this morning, I believe, compel me to at least journal my thoughts on the topic. As most of you know, I’m recently married (and still loving it completely, incidentally). With the addition of my wife to my family came her five year old son, A.J.

The reason my wife was able to marry me is that the father of her first child was a capital jerk by the name of Al Lynch, and as such she was not married to him. I won’t reveal the intimate details of his jerkitude in deference to my wife’s right to privacy, but the bottom line is that he’s a selfish dolt, a condition that continues to rear it’s ugly head to this day.

About a month and a half ago, AJ started calling me Dad – a decision he came to completely on his own, and one that filled me with joy. I love my wife, and I have come to love AJ as well, and to have him finally reciprocate the sentiment was something that really made my day. I hadn’t expected him to start calling me Dad until Jacob was born and talking and calling me Dad.

The day after he started calling me Dad, he pulled me aside and said: “From now on, I’m going to call you Dad, and you can call me ‘kid’ or ‘son’, but just don’t tell my [maternal grandmother] or my Daddy | [Al].”

The following day, he was to go spend a week with his Grandmother, Uncle and Father in Dallas. When he came back, it took several hours, but he eventually pulled his Mother and I aside to talk to us about some things his Dad had said.

“Mom, why does Daddy say you suck and you’re a bitch?” AJ asked. “And why does it hurt his feelings when I call Mark Dad?”

Fast forward to this morning, two days after another two-day trip with his father, when AJ pulls aside Iris to have a discussion on whether or not he should call me Dad or not.

I’m sorry, but I don’t think that a child of five years old should have to wrestle with these sorts of dilemmas. It’s cruel and selfish on Al’s part, and it ultimately is going to destroy his relationship with his son. I’ll always be there for AJ, and I’ll always take care of him, and while it hurts me that he may decide to stop calling me Dad so he doesn’t offend his Father, AJ will never know that – not until he’s old enough to handle that.

My nuclear family upbringing didn’t prepare me for this sort of thing. At this point, I’m not sure what the right move is. Anyone out there with some serious input, I welcome your advice.